OPINION: OK, So Maybe Not ALL Medical Professionals Should Get the Vaccine First

After nearly a year of a pandemic that caused overcrowded hospitals and overworked healthcare professionals, it feels like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel as the country begins rollouts for a COVID-19 vaccine. This process begins with our heroic healthcare workers… but I have to be honest: I really don’t think the dentist from Little Shop of Horrors should get to go first.

Do you think he’d even want to get the vaccine? I don’t want to begin to think about his politics, but something tells me this slick guy would be a 5G conspiracy theorist. Whoa, come to think of it, the only time I’ve seen him wearing a mask was to get high. When I come to work high, I get in trouble - I don’t get a vaccine. Not fair!

I mean, have you seen this guy!? He seems like a pretty bad dude. Not to mention he’s like always laughing. Sure, teeth are funny, but like not that funny. Plus, he has a terrible bedside manner; he openly admits to liking when his patients are in pain. And even if he does sing catchy songs and has a cool hairstyle, that just doesn’t say “hero” to me.

While we’re on the subject of doctors I absolutely would NOT clap for… Dr. Jekyll!? I dunno, man. He’s always talking to himself, all hunched over. I would not want a guy whipping his hair back and forth to be my physician - very unprofessional. When I do that at my job, I get in trouble!!! He’s sometimes nice, but also randomly so mean, so I’m sorry, but I just don’t think that should qualify him for getting a vaccine before me.

In conclusion, I’m not saying all doctors shouldn’t get the vaccine first. Dr. Pomatter seems nice enough, but he does cheat on his wife. When I do that, I get in trouble!!! I’m a United States Senator by the way.

So, do what you will. Get the vaccine when you can. But please please PLEASE don’t give the dentist from Little Shop first dibs. Or the plant either. Feels like a waste!!!