The Next Comedy and Tragedy Masks? This Bitch is Two-Faced

NEW YORK, NY - Reports are surfacing this morning that Kayla Evans, 28, is a phony, catty, two-faced bitch, who deserves whatever is coming to her - reminding theatre folk of the famous symbol of the arts, the comedy and tragedy masks, sources confirmed.

“Yeah, she’s really hot and cold,” says Kayla’s college sorority sister, Denise. “One minute she’s all laughing like she’s your best friend, and the next she’s making you cry. One might say she’s reminiscent of ancient greek theatre symbols the buskin and the sock, represented today by a smiling mask and a frowning mask.”

Others have different thoughts on this nasty, rude traitor. Bethany Evans, Kayla’s cousin, adds her own insight.

“Listen, I’m not saying she’s that little slip of paper in a program that lets you know you’re getting a swing instead of Gavin Creel… but that bitch disappointed me a lot,” noted Evans.

Some close to the subject have called her “like a live dog or baby on a stage - unpredictable and always stealing away the audience’s attention” while her former roommate, Danny Bhatti explained his experience.

“This grading little cunt is like an equity sanctioned break - I need 10 minutes away from her for every 80 minutes I spend with her.”

At press time, rumors were circulating that this uptight, ignorant harpy is, perhaps, just like a manual spotlight: she’s really hot and bright when she’s getting attention, but when nobody else is looking she’s cold and dusty.